Feng Jin is an ordinary name, an ordinary figure, and an ordinary life. Her life seems to be an often ignored narration, always silently carried out in other people’s dramas. She does not pursue anything extraordinary, nor does she have any capital worth showing off. All her efforts and pains are quietly dissipated in the daily trivialities. She is just an extremely ordinary existence in the sea of people, a shadow that disappears quietly between every sunrise and sunset.
However, Feng Jin is trapped by herself, and seems to always be entangled in an unsolvable proposition, circling, and unable to find a way out. There is no passion in her life, and there is not even any moment worth laughing. All the laughter turns into shadows in the loneliness of every night, buried in her slightly bent shoulders. She is not one of those people who can be recognized at a glance. She has a kind of inferiority complex and cannot find her own traces in the eyes of others.
“You are very silent.” Someone once said this to her. In fact, she is not really silent, but she is not in the mood to talk. She is not afraid of silence. On the contrary, silence is the language she is most familiar with. It has no noisy noise and no heavy burden. Silence is like that long road. No matter where you go, it will always follow you, like a shadow.
She often walks in a corner of the city, not in a hurry, not lazy, as if she is used to this pace. Her eyes are always downcast, occasionally scanning the noisy faces around her, but she has no desire to stay. She knows that she is just an outsider, a name that no one remembers. Everyone is busy with their own things, never stopping, and no one can even see a trace of warmth in her eyes. She understands that perhaps some people will never understand her loneliness. Those people are used to embracing the bustle, and she is just a drop of water in that loneliness.
Feng Jin has been looking for the meaning of her life. However, no matter how hard she tries to find it, the answer is always vague. Whenever she wants to untie this fog and break through the heavy shackles in her heart, she is surrounded by deeper confusion and pain. She thought about escaping and giving up, but those thoughts were only momentary emotions and could not last. And she never found any reason to stop herself – she just lived simply, like a silent walker, walking on a road with no end.
She was an inconspicuous person, even a little inferior. Her heart had never been deeply touched by others, and she could not remember what she had longed for. She had tossed and turned in the middle of the night, thinking about many questions, but the answers to those questions seemed to have been diluted by the torrent of time and lost their meaning. Maybe this is her fate, maybe she is destined to sink alone in that unspeakable loneliness all her life.
“Each of us is just a lonely soul.” She once said to herself. No one will understand her loneliness, and even she herself can’t sort out this unsolvable emotion. There are some unspeakable things in everyone’s life, and these things, like a huge rock buried in the heart, weigh heavily on her chest, making her breathless. She doesn’t know when she will be free, nor when she can get out of this hopeless confusion.
Feng Jin never sought help from anyone, nor did she set a clear goal for herself. She always wandered between darkness and light, and in the end, she seemed unable to find any way out. She often looked at the prosperity outside the window, but the corners of her mouth slightly curved into a smile, which concealed a kind of unwillingness and an unspeakable helplessness.
Sometimes, Feng Jin would think about why there are always people in this world who can get everything without any effort, while she is always stuck in this quagmire and unable to extricate herself. She asked herself countless times, is it because she is not good enough that she is so invisible? Or is this world unfair, some people are destined to live in misfortune, while others are destined to live in glory?
But she knew that no matter how many times she asked, the answer could not be changed. She could only choose to endure and choose to move forward, even though there was still no light ahead and she still couldn’t see the end. Feng Jin understood that some people were destined to be inaccessible forever, destined to walk to one deserted corner after another in her seemingly ordinary life. However, she didn’t care, she knew that she could live quietly, even if she was just a silent passer-by all her life.
“This is my life.” Feng Jin sometimes said to herself. Her eyes never expected any light, but instead learned to endure silently in these gray days.
She was used to the loneliness that even she couldn’t understand, and used to continuing her ordinary path in the hustle and bustle of the world. No one would stop for her, and no one would stop to light a lamp for her. She knew that all this helplessness had long been a destiny given to her, and her choice was nothing more than obedience. However, this obedience had been deeply engraved in her soul and could no longer be changed.
Feng Jin might not need to change anything. She understood that the distance between herself and this world might be an insurmountable gap. Her life was not miserable, but what never stopped was the silent cry in her heart.